It is 2/17/2011. Today will be my last binge and purge episode. How many times have I told myself this? Countless. How many times have i failed? How many more times will I fail? I am 23 years old, going on 24, and I have been bulimic since age 11. I have lost over 12 years, down the toilet, literally. From the outside I don't think it appears that way. I am loved by my family and my husband. I have a job that I work hard at. I have an amazing church, and people that love me there. I am a healthy, young woman, so what is the problem? I wish I knew. I just want to STOP. If you would have asked me 5 years ago if I would be hear now I wouldn't have DREAMED the answer would be "yes, I am still bulimic." I have been through therapy, and I have tried medication.
I was married September 2008, the best day of my life! At the time my husband had no idea, boy do I wish I would have warned him. My husband found out about my eating disorder about 6 months ago. It is ruining my life and my body, and now my marriage. He hates seeing me hurt myself. He told me that he doesn't want to have children with me until I treat my bulimia (for my own sake, and for the sake of any children we may have, Lord willing).
He is one of the main reasons I want to end this. But I also don't feel like i can live like this any longer. ha! How many times I have said that before. However, I really do want this to be for real this time. I am constantly bloated, chronically fatigued, my emotions run wild, and I have now stopped having my period. It seems all those years of binging and purging with no repercussions are starting to catch up with me. I have been a child with bulimia, I have been a teen with bulimia, but now I am an adult with bulimia, and it scares the crap out of me. I have that one day I will look back at today's date with a smile, and remember today was my last binge and purge.
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